dear reader,
I'm struggling to write this final letter to you. Mostly because I don't know what to say. I thought I was going to do research: interviewing different people, watching videos of people with mental illness, and even diving into the deep corners of my brain to understand my own mental illness - hoping to stumble upon The Answer.
Mostly, I was left with The Question that kept permeating again and again: If you don't show anyone how you feel or externalize any internal motivations, are you mentally ill?
Would mental illnesses exist without other people to compare yourself to?
The short answer is I don't know, and I don't think we will ever know the answers to those questions. We can't understand mental illnesses without looking at the conjunction of society and individuality.
Each of the four elements we looked at - de-stigmatization, medications, dsm diagnoses, and normalization - have all been factors I've dealt with and had conversations about with a handful of people. I asked people to dig deeper into their answers to some questions about each element: discovering that many people had the same conflicting feelings I did:
I don't know if these solutions are good or bad.
Regardless, I loved this project. Everything from interviewing people to crafting narratives and trying to capture the essence of mental illnesses was the best, most challenging project I've completed in my academic career.
And honestly, this semester was really rough for me in terms of my mental health - switching medications twice, weekly intensive therapy, not to mention school? - but as I'm writing this final letter, I'm doing better.
I don't know why, though.
Through writing and researching this project, I learned that that's okay though:
the unknowing.
I almost prefer it now.
I am able to talk openly and effectively about mental health:
How I struggle with it.
How I conquer it.
How I crumble under it.
How it changes on a daily basis.
How medications suck.
How medications are a godsend.
So, dearest reader, I hated the idea of not having an answer. I was afraid of getting to the end of this project without an answer of the best way, or mix of ways, to address mental health in society.
But here I am, without The Answer.
Now, I am confident in the answerlessness of mental health. There aren't really any answers to be found.
So, whether or not you learned anything this entire journey, I hope you're okay without answers - because life is so much better with answerless questions.
Love,
Lyndsay